Just 4 more days until we leave...
I can't wait.
but I am really nervous...very very nervous.
I can't wait.
but I am really nervous...very very nervous.
what if
I am not blocked and they say "sorry lady, no problem here."?
what if
they tear my vein or some other freak incident occurs?
what if
it really really hurts?
what if
I need a stent and I have to tell them no, is that the right decision?
what if
after spending over $10,000 for this procedure, our car gets in a wreck, our house floods or the kids cause a freak accident and all our furniture is ruined...(okay that may be a stretch) and then we need that money for such emergencies?
and my biggest fear of all...
what if it doesn't work?
I have felt that Heavenly Father has been holding my hand through this entire experience
...since the beginning...
but my hand is still shaking with fear's...or tremoring. (a little MS humor)
I am trying to squeeze all the faith I can out of that mustard seed.
Allowing me to be able to stand and have the courage to conquer these fears.
Matt told me tonight that
Real faith is when you get off your knees,
and then you do everything in your power
to bring about what you are praying for.
So...even with all of my what if's?
I will now have faith AND courage to stand up and do my part.
even if
my legs are shaking...
but with fear this time and not from MS.
I am not blocked and they say "sorry lady, no problem here."?
what if
they tear my vein or some other freak incident occurs?
what if
it really really hurts?
what if
I need a stent and I have to tell them no, is that the right decision?
what if
after spending over $10,000 for this procedure, our car gets in a wreck, our house floods or the kids cause a freak accident and all our furniture is ruined...(okay that may be a stretch) and then we need that money for such emergencies?
and my biggest fear of all...
what if it doesn't work?
I have felt that Heavenly Father has been holding my hand through this entire experience
...since the beginning...
but my hand is still shaking with fear's...or tremoring. (a little MS humor)
I am trying to squeeze all the faith I can out of that mustard seed.
Allowing me to be able to stand and have the courage to conquer these fears.
Matt told me tonight that
Real faith is when you get off your knees,
and then you do everything in your power
to bring about what you are praying for.
So...even with all of my what if's?
I will now have faith AND courage to stand up and do my part.
even if
my legs are shaking...
but with fear this time and not from MS.
4 comments:
You can do it! You have a wonderful family (immediate, extended, and community) to support you and help you do whatever is needed to make things better.
It's ok to have fear. It is a scary prospect, but it holds so much promise.
We'll pray for you! Prayer helps A LOT.
Jenn you have a lot of people praying for you. Including 3 temples. I put your name on Seattle, Vancouver and Salt Lake. Remember fear and faith can't reside together. Keep up the faith. I love you. What helped me was to bring in some relaxing music and listen to it before your surgery. Take care, Shauna
That Matt of yours is a wise man.
I needed this right now. Thanks for recording it.
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